im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
