:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
