I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
