your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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