that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
