Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
