No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Randomize
