I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
