Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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