no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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