I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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