I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
