ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Drunk is not a location!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
