Me. At least after what I've been through.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
