hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
