THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
