Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And then my night got REAL pukey
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
