I wish I only lived at night.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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