at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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