I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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