Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
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