eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
