these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
