i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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