She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
