You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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