Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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