i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
