i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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