I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
