oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
