bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
