I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
