don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
