My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
