Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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