Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
