We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
