I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
