you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
