Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
