I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
