We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
