Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
