please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
