Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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