guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize