Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize