take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize