Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize