So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
