I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
