we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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