wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
why is half of my head shaved?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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