I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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