But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
