you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
