I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
