I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
