Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
