i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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