A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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